Monsters
by colormetheworld
Summary: JJ defies Emily's wishes and comes face to face with the monsters Emily was trying to keep hidden. Rated M. Long One Shot.


JJ ignores Emily's request.

She loads Henry into her car, packs a week's worth of clothing into her go bag, and drives the seven hours it takes to get to the Prentiss family home in less than six.

Emily opens the door before she can knock. She doesn't look happy to see JJ, though her face softens a bit when Henry squeals her name.

"I asked you not to come," she says, as the toddler throws himself out of JJ's arms and into Emily's.

"Your father just died," JJ says, noticing how the words close Emily's expression off again. "I'm not just going to let you deal with all of this alone."

Henry nuzzles his head into Emily's neck, making a contented sound.

JJ watches Emily struggle with herself.

"Come in," she says finally. "I can't believe you drove this whole way with a baby."

JJ grins. She loves watching her son with Emily. She loves watching the normally stoic brunette try to

keep from smiling when Henry kisses her cheek.

"Our Henry's not a little baby anymore, are you Henry?" she questions in a sing-song voice.

Henry giggles and shakes his head, but Emily's face has gone stony again. She hands the little boy back over to JJ, even though he protests.

"I'm so sorry about your father, Em," JJ says. "I'm sorry you didn't get to-"

"I'm not," Emily cuts her off. "I'll go call the Hilton. It's only like four miles down the road, and I'm sure they have a vacancy."

JJ stares at her friend's retreating back. "This house has four stories," she calls. "You're going to spend money on a hotel room?"

"You can't stay here, Jen," Emily says from an adjacent room. "I _asked_ you not to come."

JJ swallows her retort - _I didn't think you were serious -_ and follows the voice into a room that looks identical to the one she's just vacated.

"Em," she begins.

"JJ, you can't stay here. I…" Emily presses her thumb and forefinger to her nose, and for a moment, genuine pain crosses her face.

"Em," JJ says slowly. "It's okay to feel however you feel about this. It's okay to miss him. It's-"

" _Miss_ him?" Emily's face is paler than it has been in a long time. "You think I _miss_ that arrogant, selfish, megalomaniac? You think…" she breaks off when Henry whimpers, looking at her with his mother's wide blue eyes. She runs a hand through her hair, sighing deeply.

"I'm going to call the Hilton."

JJ nods. "Okay."

….

 _JJ and Emily go to the same gay bar._

 _It seems like such a cliche, turning to order another drink and catching the eye of the coworker you've been pining after, though you were sure she was straight as an arrow._

 _Emily hadn't looked surprised that night. She'd smiled slightly, and tipped her drink towards JJ with a little nod. The woman on the stool beside her had looked over too, mouth curled into a suspicious pout that had morphed into a seductive smile when Emily turned her attention back to her._

 _JJ wanted to ruin that date. She wanted to crush that brunette interloper underfoot._

 _Now that she knew, now that she was sure, there was no one who would stand in her way._

 _Emily belonged to her._

 _So she took a final sip of her beer and went over, stepping between the two of them even though the woman was in mid-sentence, and she faced Emily and smiled with more confidence than she felt._

" _Do you want to dance?"_

…

…

Emily inherits everything. She adds several zeros to her already voluminous trust fund, as well as three cars, a motorcycle, four houses spread across the globe, and a yacht docked at the Pebble Beach Golf Club in California.  
JJ goes with Emily to the will reading, and she can feel her eyes getting bigger as more and more Prentiss assets are bequeathed to her best friend.

Her girlfriend.

"You'll be the one I see about auctioning items off, yes?" Emily asks after the list has been exhausted.

JJ is unable to stop her sputter this time. "What?" she cries, "No! Em...you're going to sell it all?"

The lawyer looks at JJ her over the top of his papers, and she feels herself go red.

"I just mean," she says more quietly, "d-don't you want to think about it? Don't you want to dis-"

"No." Emily is watching Henry play with a plastic ring of keys in JJ's lap. He feels her eyes and looks up into her face, smiling.

"Hi, Em-ly!"

"Hello, my love," she says automatically, and he scrambles from JJ's lap to hers, pressing his face into her collarbone. As often happens, when she holds JJ's son, Emily's face looks both pained and comforted.

"Wuv you, Em," he mumbles.

Emily swallows. "I don't want any of his things," she says. JJ thinks that she's keeping herself from showing any strong emotion, although just what that strong emotion might be, she couldn't say.

"I can certainly arrange for an auction, Ms. Prentiss," the lawyer says into the silence.

"Agent," Emily corrects.

"My apologies. Agent Prentiss, have you spoken to your mother about any of this?"

JJ doesn't blame Emily for the muscle spasm this question causes in her temple.

"She'll keep the house in Oldtown, and the car she uses currently. If she wants to keep the house in Modesto, she'll have to bring her A-game to the bidding war."

JJ wants to reach out and put her hand on Emily's arm, but she doesn't. She knows that Emily doesn't like to be touched when she's tense.

The lawyer nods, something about her expression tells him not to push.

"Very well," he says, reaching into his folio. "This was also left for you," he says, pulling out a plain white envelope. "Your father requested this be given to you in person."

Emily looks for a long moment like she's not going to take it. Finally, she sighs and reaches out. She holds the envelope by an edge, as though it contains something poisonous.

"Thank you," she says, although her tone suggests she'd rather curse.

The lawyer can tell this as well. "There's nothing else, Agent Prentiss," he says. "You are free to go. I'm sure you have several arrangements to attend to."

Emily stands with Henry. She pauses and then shifts the toddler so that she can hold out her hand.

"Thank you," She says, voice softer. "I'm...I don't mean to be rude. I've...My father and I did not have a-"

"There's no need to explain," the lawyer says, softening as well. "I understand completely."

Emily nods, looking relieved, and as they head out into the hall, JJ finally chances touching her arm.

"You want to go out and get some lunch? There's gotta be a diner around here somewhere, right?"

Emily's mouth tugs up at the corner. She reaches up to link their hands together.

"Yeah," she says. "Sounds good."

….

….

The funeral is lavish and well attended. JJ leaves Henry with a kind-faced older woman and a gaggle of other children, in an anteroom off the main room, and then follows Emily into the "Great Hall."

It is the third and final stop in a full day of services that seem only designed to show how wealthy and well respected Everett Prentiss was.

The viewing presented a man dressed in a suit that JJ guessed cost more than her house, and the church service was stilted and impersonal. JJ spent much of the time looking around at various dignitaries in attendance and trying to remember which country they belonged to.

Now, she stands near Emily in the giant main hall, watching as different men and women come up to her to express their condolences.

Emily accepts everything in the same manner: a handshake and a thin stoic smile. To outsiders, Emily looks like a grieving daughter holding herself together very well. To JJ, Emily looks like an exhausted, unhappy woman who is barely hanging onto her sanity.

And then, a man steps forward to speak to her, and Emily's face changes. JJ sees her eyes narrow into slits as he reaches out for her hand, and for a moment she worries that Emily will hit him.

"No," she says, loudly enough that people turn to look.

"Little Elizabeth," the man begins, and then his voice drops too low for JJ to hear.

Emily's voice only gets louder.

"NO! Get away from me. I don't want to see you. Do not touch me." Her voice could cut steel, and the man looks appropriately cowed as he takes a step back.

"I didn't know," JJ hears him say. His voice breaks. "I didn't know. Your father told me-"

"You're not welcome here." Emily's voice cuts over his. The crowd parts for a moment, and JJ moves forward, inspecting the man as she does. He is dressed in an impeccable grey suit, and his face is lined with age and distress.

"Libby," he says hoarsely. "You have to believe me. You have to believe I didn't know. How _could_ I have known-"

"Bullshit, you didn't know," Emily snarls. She looks beyond furious, angrier than JJ has ever seen her, even on a case.

She takes a step toward the altercation as others move back, looking shocked.

"Libby, _please,"_ the man says plaintively.

"Don't fucking call me that," Emily spits. "That is not my name. It hasn't been since I was seventeen and priest or no, I will end you, you call me that again. Tell me, _father,_ does your God accept those who protect people like Everett Prentiss?"

JJ has reached Emily's side now, and she does reach out and put a hand on the other woman's shoulder. Emily is shaking, and her expression is not the one of set and determined fury that she is used to.

Emily is angry, yes, but she's also terrified. JJ has never seen her as scared or as pale as she looks now.

The priest, for his part, looks like he may begin to cry. He is holding a large, orange shipping envelope. The postage label on the front bears the name _Fthr. Anthony Donini,_ and JJ doesn't know how, but she's sure that this is something sent by Emily's father postmortem.

"If I'd known, I would have done-" he begins, but Emily is not about to let him talk. She cuts him off again, voice rising, oblivious to the gathering crowd.

"You did enough," she says, voice hoarse with emotion. "Get the fuck out of here."

A gasp ripples through the crowd at the curse word and JJ wonders briefly how many of them have ever seen Emily as more than the prim, quiet child of diplomats.

"He doesn't deserve this!" Emily continues. "He doesn't deserve to be mourned. He doesn't deserve to be buried in burgundy like some sort of exalted…" She pauses, trying to find the right words, and JJ steps closer, sliding an arm around Emily's waist.

"Hey," she says. "Em, let's go, okay? Let's get out of here."

Emily blinks like she's waking from a dream. There are tears in her eyes, though they don't spill over.

"Emily, let's get out of here. Let's go get Henry and get some dinner."

Emily doesn't look at JJ, but she turns and heads for the door. She doesn't look back, even when the Priest makes a noise that sounds like he's been punched in the gut.

He and JJ look at each other.

"You're Libby's friend?" He asks her, stepping closer. Now that the majority of drama appears to be over, the crowd has begun to disperse.

"Emily," JJ corrects him. "Yes."

The priest hesitates for a moment. "You'll...take care of her?" He asks slowly. JJ is struck with the idea that he's choosing his words carefully.

"Of course I will," JJ says automatically. "She's my best friend."

Girlfriend.

This seems to make up Father Donini's mind, and he holds out the shipping envelope to her.

"Take this," he says, stepping forward when she hesitates. "Take it," he says. "I cannot look at it. I cannot have it in my...Knowing that I aided a man in...I…" He seems to struggle between speech and tears for a moment, and then he shakes his head. She doesn't want them...of course, she doesn't want them. So you must...burn them."

JJ takes the package as though it contains something venomous.

"You understand?" Father Donini asks her. " _Burn_ them."

JJ nods, although she is sure she does not understand, and then turns to follow after Emily.

The brunette is in the car, and Henry is strapped into his car seat in the back. She doesn't look around when JJ climbs into the driver's seat, not even when Henry calls hello to her.

For a moment, JJ sits in the silence indecisive.

"Do you...want to go-"

"Not back to that house," Emily says quietly. She leans forward to rest her head on her knees. JJ wonders if she's going to be sick. "Anywhere but that house."

JJ nods and starts the engine.

….

….

" _Tell me something about you that no one else knows."_

 _It is just Emily and JJ together in Emily's large queen sized bed. They are both lying on their sides, facing each other, and Emily's expression is affectionate and loose. Their case has ended well, and JJ can tell that Emily is glad to be home and free of the weight of the missing girls._

" _A secret?" Emily asks, though her face doesn't close up. JJ nods, chancing it and reaching out to trace the collarbone exposed to her._

 _Emily shivers, shutting her eyes._

" _When I was born, my mother named me after herself," she says in a whisper._

 _JJ smiles. "Your middle name isn't a secret, Em."_

 _But Emily does not return the smile. "No," she says. "My mother named me Elizabeth. Elizabeth Everett Prentiss. That's how I was born."_

 _Oh. JJ scoots a little closer. "Really?"_

 _Emily nods. "My mother's name, then my father's. Nothing for me."_

 _This is more than one secret, but JJ doesn't point that out. "And you changed it?"_

 _Emily studies JJ's face. "As soon as I could," she answers. "As soon as I was legally able to, although everyone I ever...any friends I made knew to call me Emily."_

" _You kept your mother's name as your middle name, though," JJ says after a moment._

 _Emily blinks, considering. Or maybe, she is simply deciding how many secrets she wants to reveal tonight._

" _I already owned so many monogrammed items by that time, it seemed a waste to have to change everything," she says._

 _It is not a brush off, not exactly, but it is a definite push away from anything too deep._

" _I like the name Emily," JJ says, moving even closer. She puts her forehead against the hollow of Emily's throat._

" _Jen," Emily growls, but she doesn't pull away._

" _Em," JJ answers. "I know you feel this."_

 _Emily doesn't answer, but when JJ kisses the skin under her mouth, she whimpers. It is just a tiny little sound, but it gives JJ the confidence she needs to slide her hand up under Emily's T-shirt._

" _I love you," she murmurs. "It's not a mistake, it's not rebounding from Will, and it's not boredom. It's love. I'm in love with you."_

" _Jen," Emily moans. She sounds torn and hurt and hopelessly turned on, and the noise makes JJ's extremities tingle. No matter how many reassurances she gives, Emily always wakes up in the mornings after these encounters more determined than ever that they should only be friends._

 _In these moments, however, JJ cannot worry about the next morning. Not when Emily is consenting, pulling her closer and pressing awed little kisses to the sides of her mouth._

 _As always, JJ is the one to lead. She pulls Emily's hands to her body. She says yes, and more, and God, just like that, until she tips over the edge of her orgasm and Emily follows her, silent and shaking._

" _Emily," she says as she comes. "God, yess, Emmy."_

 _And when she opens her eyes, she sees that the woman next to her is crying, though she will not explain what has happened._

 _In the morning, she does not even admit that she cried at all._

… _._

… _._

Emily sleeps in the hotel bedroom like it's her body that has given up, and not her father's. She doesn't even stir when Henry crawls up next to her for his nap, twisting her hair around his finger until he sleeps. JJ sits on the opposite bed, envelope in both of her hands, watching her girlfriend and her son sleep, warring with herself.

There is absolutely no doubt in her mind that Emily would forbid her to open the envelope.

There is absolutely no doubt in her mind that she _has_ to know what is inside.

She takes a deep breath and while keeping her eyes on Emily's sleeping form, she reaches into the envelope, pulling out the first paper-thin thing she feels.

.

A photograph.

A Polaroid, worn around the white edges. It's Emily, not older than ten. She is sitting facing away from the camera but is looking over shoulder directly into the lens. She is bent forward, her arms wrapped around her knees, and the small ridges of her spine stand clear and defined against the whiteness of her bare back.

Her back. Her arms, her legs.

All bare.

The caption, written on the bottom of the Polaroid in an adult hand, says _Libby - 1985._

So she is eight. JJ does not feel any satisfaction in this confirmation.

.

The letter:

 _Father Donini-_

 _The doctors say that the last treatment did not work. That was a blow, to put it mildly, but I am trying to put my affairs in order before I have to call a nurse to help me to the bathroom, spoon soup into my mouth._

 _You have always been good to me. Father, and so I know you will continue to be so, even after I'm gone. I did not thank you for taking care of Emily's indiscretion, for recommending that doctor. He was as discreet as you said he would be. We had to leave before the next service, but please know you were much appreciated, and that I was always much more careful from that moment on._

 _Emily is the sole beneficiary of my estate, and though I know she doesn't understand all of my reasons, though I know I may have caused her pain, I hope what I leave her will make amends for much of it._

 _I am including all documentation of our relationship with this letter so that she doesn't stumble upon it in her renovating. Please do with these things as you see fit, Father. You have never steered me wrong._

 _Cordially,_

 _Everett Michael Prentiss_

 _._

A light knocking on the door shakes JJ from her horror almost an hour later.

"JJ?"

Emily's voice.

JJ looks around at the dozens, possibly, hundreds of other Emilys looking back up at her. Some of them gazing through eyes ringed with bruises or grimacing through split lips. All of them in states of undress, all of them begging silently for help, though the older ones may also have been asking for death.

The handle of the bathroom jiggles slightly.

"Jennifer, are you okay?" Emily sounds mildly concerned. "I buffered Hen with your pillows." A pause. "Did you see him climb into bed with me? You know I don't…" a trail off and a sigh.

"Can you just, like, make some noise so I don't start to freak out?"

She is already freaking out, JJ can tell by the tone of her voice. She opens her mouth to call back that she is okay, and then a memory slams into her hard enough that she cries out.

 _Emily, white-faced and recovering on a plane home from Montana. "How am I - we - how are we different from them? Doesn't knowing exactly how they think make us like them?"_

The door bursts inwards with a hollow cracking sound that halfway masks Emily calling out her name.

And then the door is open, and Emily - real, adult, _breathing_ Emily - is there.

She looks around at the floor, at the polaroids, and the labeled cassette tapes and the medical receipts.

The letter.

JJ tries desperately to think of something to say, but before she can, Emily drops to her knees. She reaches out and begins gathering everything up, stacking it systematically in her arms.

JJ realizes that she is still holding the envelope, and she realizes Emily doesn't want to take it from her.

She doesn't want to touch her.

"Emmy," JJ says quietly, willing her voice not to break. "Emily, baby, look at-"

"I told you I didn't want you to come," Emily says, her voice devoid of emotion. She picks up a particularly brutal picture ( _Libby, 1989),_ in which she is naked, bruised, splayed out against dark sheets. There is a male hand - Everett's hand - on her hip.

Emily's hand shakes slightly as she stacks this photo onto the others.

JJ wants to draw this woman into her arms. She wants to say that now she understands.

She wants to say that she is so _, so_ sorry for everything she has and has not done.

But Emily finishes and stands abruptly, her past in her hands. She turns away. She isn't crying. She looks like she's been gutted.

JJ sits against the tub, listening to Emily as she packs her shoulder bag with the wreckage of her life.

"Emmy?" Henry's sleepy voice makes tears come to JJ's eyes.

"Hello, mi amor," Emily says quietly. "dormiste?"

"Si," Henry answers. Emily has been teaching him Spanish under the guise of a secret language, and he is always thrilled to be spoken to in a what he still believes to be a code only they share.

"Donde esta mi mama?" One of the first sentences she taught him, in all the languages she knows.

 _Where is my mother,_ and, _please help me_ , and…

 _No. Don't touch me._

"She's in the bathroom. Why don't you go hug her?"

There is a thump as Henry slides off the bed, and seconds later he appears in the doorway, his wide smile fading when he sees her on the floor. JJ holds out her arms for him and his smile returns. He is still there when Emily passes by on her way out.

She doesn't look around at them.

…

It doesn't take a lot of badge waving to get into Elizabeth Prentiss' office, and to her credit, by the time JJ steps into the room, Ambassador Prentiss does not look surprised to see her.

"Agent Jareau," she says formally, gesturing to the chair in front of her desk. "To what do I owe this surprise?"

For a moment, JJ is so overcome with fury that she cannot find her voice.

"Agent?" Ambassador Prentiss' voice stays calm and only mildly concerned. "Is my daughter injured? Usually, they send Aaron Hotchner to alert me of Emily's most recent folly."

"He impregnated her." Those are the first words that come to her, and she is satisfied to see the momentary shock in the older woman's face.

"I'm sor-"

"Your husband," JJ interrupts, not wanting to let Elizabeth gloss the moment over with faux politeness. "He abused her. For years. He's the one who got her pregnant in Rome."

Emily's story comes back to JJ in full detail. "You _blamed_ her for it," she snarls. She knows full well which parts of that story were true. "Did she tell you what was happening? I bet she did, and you didn't believe her. I bet you dismissed her. Told her she was crazy, or jealous or-"

"I told her to keep her mouth shut, and to serve her purpose," Elizabeth breaks in calmly. She watches the effect of her words on JJ and then gestures to the chair again.

"I don't know what my daughter told you," she says as JJ lowers herself into the seat by the desk. "I'm sure her father's passing has brought up many unsavory-"

"She didn't tell me anything," JJ cuts Elizabeth off again. "A priest came to the funeral. He was so distraught. He tried to give Emily this envelope her father had sent him. It was full of horrible, _horrible-_ "

Elizabeth waves her hand for JJ to stop. She leans back in her chair and rubs at the spot between her brow. She looks old.

"Donini," she says after a moment. "Everett, you fool."

"You knew," JJ says. Saying it out loud is nauseating.

"Of course I knew," Elizabeth looks at JJ like she is in need of pity. "I knew everything that went on in my home. I still do."

JJ grips the arms of her chair very tightly. "And you let him," she says lowly. "You let him...do _that_ to your daughter."

Elizabeth sighs as though she is having to be very patient with someone who is very stupid. "Have you ever seen one of Everett's speeches?" She asks.

JJ's face must look mutinous because the Ambassador continues without giving her time to answer.

"He was, quite bluntly, the most brilliant political scientist in the world. He could have changed the course of the world. He _would_ have if he'd had more time. If his career had not been derailed by his...issue."

JJ stares blankly at the woman in front of her, trying to make sense.

Elizabeth sighs impatiently. "Everett was brilliant. He was gifted. Together, there was not a political or social crisis we could not handle. But Everett...was also deeply flawed. And his, should we call them habits?" She glances up at JJ. "They derailed him more than once."

"You're telling me," JJ says slowly, "that you conceived Emily...to keep her father away from other girls?"

"I'm telling you that everyone must sacrifice sometimes to further the cause. Do not tell me that you haven't come across that theory in your line of work."

JJ stands. She had come here hoping to find a sliver of peace for Emily; for herself. Now she sees that there will be no comfort here.

"You are worse than him," JJ says, turning away.

If Elizabeth replies, it is lost in the sound of JJ slamming the office door behind her.

…

" _Say yes."_

 _JJ moans, pulling Emily's head to the bend of her neck. "Em, it feels so good. You feel so good."_

 _Emily kisses her neck. She breathes out a long shaky breath._

" _Say you want it," she whispers. The words barely reach JJ. "JJ, tell me. I won't if you don't-"_

 _But JJ takes Emily's hand and presses it between them. She swallows Emily's groan against her lips._

" _Yes," she says, pushing two of Emily's fingers inside of her body. "God, yes. Please, Em. I need you."_

 _Emily is barely breathing. Barely moving._

" _You need me?" she asks. Her voice is wondrous, but JJ is too far gone to really think about the question._

" _Yes,_ _" she growls. "Emily_ _ **please!"**_

 _It feels so good, and not just because of how attracted JJ is to the woman against her. She is also affected by how deeply Emily seems to be feeling this encounter. She is usually so calm and so put together, but now she shivers against JJ, breathless. Her mouth is hot and wet against JJ's neck, and she wants to feel that same sensation between her legs._

 _JJ will think about this moment a lot in the following days and weeks. She'll think about how awed Emily sounded as they'd had sex that first time. How, when she made JJ come, she'd come too, going stiff and silent while JJ moaned loudly enough that people on the sidewalk outside her house could have heard._

" _God," Emily had leaned her forehead against JJ's, trying to catch her breath. "I love you."_

 _She was so earnest in that moment, JJ could barely stand it._

" _I love you so much, JJ. Do you know that?"_

…

JJ is sitting on the couch, pretending to read, when Emily pushes into the apartment. She jumps when she sees JJ there.

"Jesus, Jen," She says, though her tone is more exhaustion than scolding.

"I'm sorry," JJ says, not sorry. "I called and told you I'd be here when you got back."

In reality, JJ had left over 10 messages on Emily's turned off cellphone, as she drove home from the prison where Everett Prentiss tortured his daughter.

 _You can tell me you want alone time, Emily, but that does not extend to forever._

 _I'm going to be right here when you get home. Just so you know._

Emily drops her bag just inside the door. The sound brings Sergio to the threshold between the living room and kitchen. He meows plaintively at his mother.

Emily's mouth lifts just the smallest bit. "Where is Henry?"

JJ pats the spot next to her on the sofa and then moves over so that she looks less threatening. "He's with his godmother tonight," she says, continuing at the flicker of panic that crosses Emily's face. "They needed some snuggle time. She practically kidnapped him from me."

JJ looks meaningfully between Emily and the sofa, and after a couple seconds of hesitation, Emily crosses the room and sits down with a little sigh.

She looks dead tired. JJ picks up her book again as Sergio jumps up onto the arm of the couch to greet Emily.

"I missed you," Emily murmurs to the cat. "Did Penelope feed you on time?"

Sergio gives her a little trill in return, and JJ can almost feel Emily relax.

"You spoil that cat," JJ says softly. It's a mistake to speak, and she wishes she could take the words back as Emily's shoulders tighten again.

"JJ-" Emily won't make eye contact. "You don't have to-"

"I'm not currently doing anything out of obligation," JJ interrupts. "So don't talk to me about what you think I _have_ to do."

Emily glances at her, trying to read the tone in her voice, and then she seems to give up. She leans back against her couch cushions and shuts her eyes.

"Do you want to watch Star Trek?" JJ asks. "We can pick up where we left off."

Emily shakes her head. Her eyes stay closed.

"You hungry?"

Another head shake.

JJ moves a little closer to Emily. "Do you want me to leave, Em?" she asks quietly. "Because I don't want to. And I'll show up tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. Until you don't send me away. Nothing that happened last week changes-"

"Yes, it does." Emily's voice is steady. "It changes a lot, Jen, don't feed me that line. You might still think you love me, but it changes how you see me. What you think of me."

She pauses, opening her eyes to look up at the ceiling.

"And it changes how I see you," she says quietly. "How I...see myself with you."

Oh. JJ hadn't considered this last bit. She waits, hoping that Emily will say something more, but the silence just stretches.

"I don't _think_ I still love you," JJ whispers. "I _do_ still love you."

Emily nods. "I...think you should go," she says after a beat. Her voice is apologetic, possibly close to tears.

JJ can't stop herself from welling up. "I really don't want to leave you."

Emily turns her head and looks at her. "I...don't know if I can hold your grief about this, Jen, do you get that?" The question is pleading. Emily, begging her to understand.

"I don't know if I can look at you...and know that you...that you saw-"

"The love of my life being abused," JJ says quickly. "I saw the woman I adore being abused by people who were supposed to take care of her, and I...didn't feel grief."

Emily blinks, caught off guard. "You didn't feel grief?"

JJ shakes her head. "No. I felt...fury. I felt...immensely sorry that I didn't know, and therefore couldn't do things to let you know how important you are to me. I...thought of all the times I might have been able to say something to make this better-"

"Nothing you say can erase what happened, Jen."

"So that you'd feel less alone, then," JJ amends. "So that you knew that I really, honestly love you. That I'm not just...attracted to your body." JJ thinks back of all the times she went over to Emily's with the specific intent of sleeping with her. "Jesus, I wish I'd done so many things differently. You probably think I'm as bad as-"

"Don't," Emily snarls. "Don't compare yourself to any of them." She sits up to face JJ, her expression dark. "I don't want you anywhere near any of those - I just - you are _different_. I know that."

JJ nods quickly. "Okay," she says. "Okay. But please hear this, Emily." she waits until brown eyes turn to meet hers.

"I want you. I want you in my family. And that family isn't only pain and secrets and obligation. I want to show you that."

Emily leans forward to put her elbows on her knees. Her hair covers her face, and JJ can't tell what she's thinking.

Finally, she speaks, her voice small and tremulous and very unlike the Emily that JJ has come to know.  
"I...Can you go now, JJ?" she asks. "Please?"

JJ pulls herself up off of the couch, although every fiber of her being wants to do the opposite.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she says. It is such a fierce promise that JJ knows it comes off as a threat.

"I love you, Emily."

She shuts the door behind her as slowly as possible, to give Emily time to answer.

No reply comes.

…

…

She doesn't see Emily the next day, however. She doesn't see her until almost a week later when they catch a case at a shopping mall in DC. It hasn't been for lack of trying though. Each new day found JJ back at Emily's apartment, sometimes with Henry, sometimes alone.

 _I'm here,_ she'd text, before using her key to let herself in.

 _ **Not today, Jen. I need time**_ **.**

But now Emily's time is up, and as JJ catches sight of her for the first time in six days, her heart leaps. Emily looks exhausted. She looks put together, and completely professional...and more exhausted than ever before.

"Abduction," Hotch says when they are all within hearing. "Six-year-old girl. The second one of these...I don't have a good feeling. Mom and Dad were shopping with the Aunt, Uncle, and cousin when she disappeared."

He breaks them all up, sending them in pairs to question and investigate, and JJ tries not to look disappointed when she is sent off with Reid instead of Emily.

"You okay?" he asks her as they climb an out of order elevator.

"Yeah," she says. "I'm...just worried about Emily."

It is the truth, at least.

"Because of her father?" Reid asks.

JJ almost trips over her own feet. "What about her father?" she asks harshly. "Did she say something to you?"

Reid is looking back at her, wide-eyed. "I just meant...because he died?"

JJ wants to smack herself. "Right," she says. "Yeah...She's taking it hard."

Reid frowns at her but nods after a minute. "Yeah. Morgan called her to go out a couple times and she declined. I don't think she anticipated this type of grief."

"Yeah," JJ says. "She's...needed time."

They don't say anything else about it, and JJ finds herself caught up entirely in the case. She isn't even thinking about Emily when the brunette appears from the secluded room where they've been interrogating the uncle.

"I need to talk to the aunt," Emily says. Her walk is steady, and her hands don't shake. Only her eyes give JJ any idea that she might not be entirely there with them.

"Em?" Morgan has seen it too, though he does not look as concerned as JJ feels.

"I don't think she's telling us everything," Emily says. "This could get dicey."

They don't have a lot of choices. Emily is probably the best on their team at sniffing out lies. They follow her over to where Susan sits with her sister and brother-in-law.

The second clue that Emily is not fully in control: she begins her interrogation in front of the parents. She's _trying_ to get a rise out of the aunt.

Out of anyone.

And when she takes Susan's arm and leads her away, JJ knows that she has to follow, not only because she needs to be a witness to Emily's rage, but because she must also be there when it melts into desperation and unutterable sorrow. She must be there to hold her best friend aloft against the storm of her own desolation.

 _ **Did you really think that getting rid of that little girl would cure his sickness?**_

 _ **WHERE IS SHE?**_

…

JJ doesn't text to let Emily know that she's arrived this time. It is after midnight, but she doesn't try to keep quiet as she pushes into the other woman's condo.

There's one dim light on in the hall between the kitchen and living room.

The light above the stairs is on.

JJ climbs in her sock feet, calling out Emily's name softly.

She hadn't needed to ask Penelope to babysit Henry this time. Morgan and even Hotch had volunteered. They'd seen Emily's wild expression. They'd seen the way she'd deflated, leaning back against the wall of the storage room as Katie coughed back into consciousness.

The door to Emily's bedroom is cracked, and JJ pushes it open, squinting against the bright light of the bedside lamp.

Emily is sitting cross-legged on the floor. In front of her, stacked haphazardly, are the cassette tapes from Father Donini's envelope.

There is the letter. The pictures.

JJ crosses the room quickly and kneels down next to Emily. She presses her forehead against the side of the other woman's face, and she doesn't try to stop the tears as they come.

"Emmy."

"She chose her husband over that little girl," Emily says dully. She hadn't flinched at JJ's touch. "Do you think he was brilliant?" she asks. "Do you think he mattered more than she did?"

"She's sick," JJ says, meaning Susan.

Meaning Elizabeth.

"She doesn't know anything. She's sick, just like him."

"She chose him," Emily says again. "She chose…"

"She was _wrong_ ," JJ says fiercely. "Emily, she was-"

But Emily leans forward and presses the play button on a little cassette player in front of her, and the fuzzy, distorted voice of 10-year-old Emily - of Libby - speaks up.

 _I love you, Daddy._

"Say it again," Everett commands.

 _I...love you, Daddy._

JJ almost smashes the player in her haste to make it stop. She wishes she had the strength to do so.

She thinks of Father Donini's insistence.

 _ **Burn them.**_

"I didn't know he was recording me," Emily says. Her voice sounds broken. "I didn't know that he...saved these. I-"

"Please," JJ says. She doesn't know what she's begging for, but she pulls Emily's arm toward her. She starts to get up. "Please. Let's just…"

They are standing, JJ like a sleepwalker leading a blind person. She takes Emily downstairs, out into the hall of the building, down to her car.

Emily is barefoot, dressed in loose sweats and a tank top, but she makes no protest. She doesn't say anything until JJ is turning the key in the front door of her house.

"What was I made for?" she asks softly.

She stands in shadows in the front hall while JJ thanks Morgan for sitting, then she follows JJ without resistance to her bedroom.

"What was I made for?" she asks again when they slide beneath cool sheets.

JJ puts her arms around Emily's waist, pulling her closer.

"Me," she answers simply.

They sleep.

.

It's early morning when JJ opens her eyes. She stretches and looks around, and finds herself looking into the deep brown eyes of Emily Prentiss.

JJ wants to say something. She wants to ask if Emily is okay, and tell her she is sorry. She wants to promise to burn the entirety of the envelope. She wants to say she understands now why everything has always been so important, and that she will spend the rest of her life…

But Emily's mouth tugs up into a little smile and she pushes forward to press her forehead to JJ's throat.

"You," she says quietly.

Not okay yet.

But will be.

JJ slides her hands gently into dark, chocolate hair. _Yes, yes, yes!_ She thinks. _Me. You. Always._

Emily wraps her arms slowly around JJ's waist. She sighs heavily.

"You," she repeats softly.

On the other side of Emily, a little blonde head appears. Two wide blue eyes sparkle excitedly at JJ.

"And me!" Henry says. He puts his head lovingly on Emily's side, the way a puppy might when looking for affection.

"Oh," JJ moves to get him. "I didn't know he...Henry come here, I-"

But Emily sits up slowly between them, opening her arms to Henry as though she thinks he might strike her. As if he'd ever reject her.  
"Buenos Dias, Em-ly!"

Emily looks at JJ for approval, smiling a little wider when JJ nods.

"You too," she murmurs into Henry's fluffy head. She makes a noise that could be the revival of a chuckle. "The two of you."

JJ reaches out and puts her hand gently on Emily's cheek.

"Us," she says.

"All of us."


End file.
